Are you dangerously underweight? Trying to go on workplace disability? Well, fret no more as Eats Like A Duck takes you on a five part series covering all the do and do not do’s on your Window to Weight Gain! Parts two, three, four, five
Dr. Nick: Hi, everybody!
Homer and Bart: Hi, Dr. Nick!
Dr. Nick: Now, there are many options available for dangerously underweight individuals like yourself. I recommend a slow, steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology.
Homer: Of course.
Dr. Nick: You’ll want to focus on the neglected food groups such as the whipped group, the congealed group and the chocotastic.
– King-Size Homer (The Simpsons Season 7 – Episode 7)
While some doctors can’t stop talking about things like eating enough vegetables, Dr. Nick is on the front lines of the slow, steady gorging process movement. Let’s take a more in depth look at the Neglected Food Groups, shall we?
- This chart is dominated by sweet items. While Congealed might be listed, I don’t see any mention of deep fried items or huge multiple patty burgers on here.
- Why does every Group end in “Group” except for Fats & Sweets? It’s not like there wasn’t room to add Group to this on the chart – and it still would have made sense grammatically!
- Most of the items in one group could easily transfer into another. I fail to see how Whipped items couldn’t just go under Empty Calories. And I’m pretty sure a pink cupcake could be listed under Fats & Sweets.
- I don’t care that Chocotastic isn’t a word. I use it often despite what the people working at Marble Slab say.
Now, I didn’t go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, but if your goal is gain a lot of weight I’m not sure eating all the whipped items you can at once is the wisest strategy. I would say your best bet is to start with the Empty Calories group and work backwards from there. But maybe throw in a whole pizza once in awhile since ketchup is technically a vegetable now, you know, just to mix things up.
The Neglected Food Groups From: King-Size Homer (The Simpsons Season 7 – Episode 7)