Window to Weight Gain Part One – The Neglected Food Groups

Are you dangerously underweight? Trying to go on workplace disability? Well, fret no more as Eats Like A Duck takes you on a five part series covering all the do and do not do’s on your Window to Weight Gain! Parts two, three, four, five

Dr. Nick: Hi, everybody!
Homer and Bart: Hi, Dr. Nick!
Dr. Nick: Now, there are many options available for dangerously underweight individuals like yourself. I recommend a slow, steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology.
Homer: Of course.
Dr. Nick: You’ll want to focus on the neglected food groups such as the whipped group, the congealed group and the chocotastic.
– King-Size Homer (The Simpsons Season 7 – Episode 7)

Window To Weight Gain Chart Screenshot

While some doctors can’t stop talking about things like eating enough vegetables, Dr. Nick is on the front lines of the slow, steady gorging process movement. Let’s take a more in depth look at the Neglected Food Groups, shall we?

  • This chart is dominated by sweet items. While Congealed might be listed, I don’t see any mention of deep fried items or huge multiple patty burgers on here.
  • Why does every Group end in “Group” except for Fats & Sweets? It’s not like there wasn’t room to add Group to this on the chart – and it still would have made sense grammatically!
  • Most of the items in one group could easily transfer into another. I fail to see how Whipped items couldn’t just go under Empty Calories. And I’m pretty sure a pink cupcake could be listed under Fats & Sweets.
  • I don’t care that Chocotastic isn’t a word. I use it often despite what the people working at Marble Slab say.

Now, I didn’t go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, but if your goal is gain a lot of weight I’m not sure eating all the whipped items you can at once is the wisest strategy. I would say your best bet is to start with the Empty Calories group and work backwards from there. But maybe throw in a whole pizza once in awhile since ketchup is technically a vegetable now, you know, just to mix things up.

The Neglected Food Groups From: King-Size Homer (The Simpsons Season 7 – Episode 7)

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