Are you dangerously underweight? Trying to go on workplace disability? Well, fret no more as Eats Like A Duck takes you on a five part series covering all the do and do not do’s on your Window to Weight Gain! Parts one, two, three, four
And now we come to the end of our Window to Weight Gain series. And what a long, strange, fattening journey it’s been! By now you should be eating Pop Tart sandwiches for lunch and be gorging on entire containers of Chubbb while watching tv. However, there were a few items that I’ve bunched together in the interest of not stretching this thing out any farther than it already is.
Bart: Eat around the banana, Dad. It’s just empty vitamins.
Fitness Store Salesman: Lucky for you, this stuff doesn’t work.
Bart: Bad news, dad. We’re out of food. We’re even out of the basic elements of food. You ate all the tarragon and drank all the soy sauce.
My order of preference with these remaining food options are:
- Banana-Free Banana Split
- Massive Weight Gain Powder
- Non-toxic Doughnut
- Tarragon and Soy Sauce
Basically, I’d rather quickly maw down a Play-Doh doughnut then drink an entire bottle of soy sauce. I’m pretty sure that much sodium would kill me (yes it will), but the doughnut is non-toxic so I should be good to go. I’m pretty sure kids eat Play-Doh all the time so that just seems like the safer choice.
And The Rest From: King-Size Homer (The Simpsons Season 7 – Episode 7)