I recently traveled to Universal Studios Orlando and tried to eat and drink as much Simpsons related food items as I could physically handle. For the next month I’m dedicating Fridays to reviewing what I ingested. This week’s entry is… The Krusty Burger!
Krusty Burger Executive: We tried to tell you these are unmanned oil rigs.
Krusty: Ah, close the damn thing down, no one’s ever going to come.
Homer: [Bursts in door] Give me 700 Krusty Burgers!
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Do you want fries with that?
Bart: You did it, Dad! You saved us! I’m proud you’re my father
Homer: Go away. Eating.
– Boy-Scoutz ‘n the Hood (The Simpsons Season 5 – Episode 8)
My day at Universal Studios Orlando was coming to an end. I had already bought some tacky souvenirs but there was still one last thing I needed: a Krusty Burger. I mean, I really wanted stew but they didn’t have any and since it was a weekend, I felt that ordering a Krusty Burger was acceptable.
But the Krusty Burger wasn’t for me, I was still full from my Richwich and various beverages. No, this Krusty Burger was for the rarely mentioned but totally real El Boyfriendo to eat. So I wrapped the burger in layers of napkins and bags, placed it securely in my checked luggage and it traveled with me over 5000 km to arrive, mostly intact:
Let’s look at bit closer at the burger’s journey down, shall we?
4 PM EST: purchased the Krusty Burger at Universal Studios Orlando
7 PM EST: Flight from Orlando to Houston
9:30 PM CT: Flight from Houston to Home
12 AM PST: Arrived home from the airport
My burger spent approximately 6.5 hours in the air during which time it was cold or even partially frozen since it was in the luggage area of the plane. During my stopover in Texas the burger had time to warm up again before, again, becoming cold or partially frozen. No matter what, the amount of time the Krusty Burger was exposed to room temperature conditions definitely put it in the “not food safe” category. About half of the burger was consumed and a month later I have noticed no ill effects from eating it. I’m not sure if this is a testament to the food quality of Universal Studios or the iron stomach of El Boyfriendo – either way it’s kind of gross.
Cromulence: 5 Ernest Borgnines out of 10