I recently traveled to Universal Studios Orlando and tried to eat and drink as much Simpsons related food items as I could physically handle. For the next month I’m dedicating Fridays to reviewing what I ingested. This week’s entry is… The Flaming Moe and Squishee!
Homer: Try lighting it on fire.
Moe: Hmm?! Wow! Homer, it’s like there’s a party in my mouth and everyone’s invited.
– Flaming Moe’s (The Simpsons Season 3 – Episode 10)
After an unsuccessful breakfast and a tasty lunch, I was feeling thirsty and so I went over to Moe’s Tavern for a drink. Being at Moe’s pretty much required that I order a Flaming Moe – which at Universal Studios is a non-alcoholic energy drink sold in cans or from the tap. This is what I got:
The Flaming Moe came from the tap “smoking” which I thought was a nice touch in lieu of setting it on fire, because that’s probably some sort of safety issue. But why is this drink orange?? I mean, the whole point of the Flaming Moe is that its secret ingredient is love?!…I mean Krusty’s Non-Narkotik Kough Syrup For Kids. And the cough syrup is purple, therefore the drink should be purple. I don’t think I’m asking for much here, Universal Studios Orlando! I mean how hard is it to make the Flaming Moe purple given that there are already dozens of weird chemicals, flavors and dyes in this drink? I have no idea who decided to make the Flaming Moe orange, but I was deeply disappointed in the appearance and taste (it tasted like orange too). This drink did NOT make me feel like there was a party in my mouth and it certainly didn’t help my phlegm feel looser.
The next stop on my beverage journey was to the Duff Brewery for a Squishee. To be clear, Fast Food Boulevard did have a Kwik-E-Mart but it didn’t sell Squishees – they only sell them at the Duff Brewery. Between the orange Flaming Moe and Squishees at the Duff Brewery this entire place was turning into a conceptual nightmare. The Squishee flavors were all very standard, no chutney or champagne flavors to be found. I got a Raspberry Squishee and within about five minutes the entire ice portion had melted.
This isn’t a critique of Universal Studios so much as a critique of Orlando. I mean, I can’t be held responsible for my decision to travel to Orlando in July. Overall the Squishee was a well-executed slushy drink, while the less said about the Flaming Moe the better.
Cromulence: Flaming Moe 2 Selma Sank Right to the Bottoms out of 10 / Squishee 7 Selma Sank Right to the Bottoms out of 10