Confession time: I might have overdone things during my Window to Weight Gain series. Apparently a diet consisting of the neglected food groups can lead to things like “gasping for breath when you get up from a chair” and “the doctor’s going to take my foot off”. So in the interest of eating healthy I’m going to try the Bell Pepper Diet! Because what’s healthier than eating the same food all the time without including things like protein?
Marge: Your lack of bedroom pizzazz last night started me worrying, so I hired this nutritionist, Betsy Bidwell.
Betsy Bidwell: Homer, did you know I used to weigh 400 pounds?
Homer: I’ll bet no man would touch you.
Betsy Bidwell: Well, I went from fat to “all that” using my simple, foolproof diet. It’s all about little substitutions. Instead of French toast for breakfast, why not eat a bell pepper? When you crave something sugary, eat a bell pepper. Want a beer? Bell pepper!
Homer: It’s tangy like a pepper, but crunchy like a bell!
Betsy Bidwell: Bell pepper!
– Dial ‘N’ for Nerder (The Simpsons Season 19 – Episode 14)
The Bell Pepper Diet (as described by Betsy) involves substituting a bell pepper whenever you want to eat anything unhealthy, which Homer apparently embraces…
Hot Dog Vendor: Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs.
Other Guy: One, please.
Bell Pepper Vendor: Bell peppers piping cold, crunchy, and bland.
Homer: Three, please.
Homer also channels his love of bell peppers into his alcohol consumption…
Homer: Not quite.
Moe: Yeah. Get out.
Diet Plan Directions: Eat bell peppers and nothing else.
Green Pepper Martini Instructions: Blend three green peppers and serve in martini glass with green pepper garnish. Would you believe this taste like liquid peppers? I should emphasize the liquid because the drink started separating before I even had a chance to get a picture.
Well the good news is that I didn’t lose any weight and now I also hate bell peppers! Wait, no, that’s actually not good news. Also, according to my research only one other person has tried this diet and their blog kind of speaks for itself.
I’m sure most people have occasionally eaten plain bell peppers, like at a party with a veggie tray. In that scenario the pepper is a nice, fresh bite to consume between shoving cheese cubes in your mouth. A whole red pepper, eaten like an apple in place of a snack is not something I would recommend.
The Bell Pepper Diet From: Dial ‘N’ for Nerder (The Simpsons Season 19 – Episode 14)