Homer: D’oh! I’m out of tartar sauce. They call this a portion. Hey Lenny are you gonna use all your tartar sauce? Dry fish sticks! This sucks!
Burns: How would you improve the worker situation?
Homer: Well, sir, for one thing, we have a problem every Tuesday when the cafeteria would serve fish sticks…
Burns: Fish sticks!? What in blazes are you talking about?
Homer: Well, sir, they cut the head off the fish, then chop up the rest of the sticks. And then put seasoned bread crumbs on it…
Burns: I know what fish sticks are! Get to the point!
Homer: Well, you only get this tiny little cup of tartar sauce to dip in and then I always run out.
Smithers: Will you stop wasting our time Simpson.
Burns: Shut up Smithers! Can’t you see what he’s saying? A happy worker is a busy worker. Three cents worth of tar-tar sauce could save us thousands of man hours in labor. I like the cut of your jib Simpson. Let the fools have their tar-tar sauce!
– Simpson and Delilah (The Simpsons Season 2 – Episode 2)
Indeed Homer, dry fish sticks do suck. But when done correctly, tartar sauce can transform a sub-par lunch into a magical dish that makes people think that Homer is competent just because he has hair.
- 1/4 cup mayonnaise
- 1 tablespoon diced dill pickles (NOT butter pickles because they are gross)
- 1/2 teaspoon diced capers
- 1/2 tablespoon white wine vinegar
- 1/4 teaspoon mustard
- Dash of salt and pepper to taste
- Lemon juice (optional)
- 1/4 teaspoon diced onion (optional)
Dice pickles and capers. Add to mayo and mix in vinegar and mustard. Salt and pepper to taste. Place a giant portion next to fish sticks and peas that takes up at least half of the plate.
Opinions on tartar sauce recipes vary between the smooth and chunky varieties with my opinion coming out firmly on the chunky side. If you prefer smooth just substitute diced pickles and capers with pickle brine for a similar taste.
Tartar sauce is a very personal condiment and so my recipe is one of many variations on the basic theme of mayo + pickled stuff + salt and pepper = delicious
Cromulence: 8 Dimoxinils out of 10
Tar-Tar Sauce with Fish Sticks Recipe from: Simpson and Delilah (The Simpsons Season 2 – Episode 2)