Skinner’s Steamed Hams

Skinner: Well, Superintendent, I hope you’re ready for mouth-watering hamburgers!
Chalmers: I thought you said we were having steamed clams?
Skinner: Oh no, I said steamed hams. That’s what I call hamburgers.
Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams?
Skinner: Yes. It’s a regional dialect.
Chalmers: Oh yeah? What region?
Skinner: Er, upstate New York.
Chalmers: Really. Well I’m from Utica and I’ve never heard the phrase steamed hams before.
Skinner: Oh no, not in Utica, it’s an Albany expression.
Chalmers: I see. You know these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
Skinner: Haha, oh no, patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.
Chalmers: For steamed hams?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: Yes and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact that are obviously grilled.
Skinner: Uh you know…One thing I should…excuse me for one second.
Chalmers: Of course.
– 22 Short Films About Springfield (The Simpsons Season 7 – Episode 21)


This has been on my request list for awhile and has been requested by a few different people. As always, I aim for true authenticity so I didn’t actually make the steamed hams, I bought them – delightfully devilish Eats Like A Duck! According to Super Nintendo Chalmers, Krusty Burgers are grilled and include grill marks on them. Knowing that, it seemed like Burger King was the best bet for recreating this recipe.


  • 3-4 Burger King Whoppers
  • Two packs of large Burger King fries


Place burgers on a platter and garnish with fries. Calve stretches before meal prep are optional.


I know, I know – there are FOUR burgers on Seymour’s platter and only three on mine. How many burgers do you people expect me to eat in a single sitting?! I already have enough stomach problems what with all the vodka and wheatgrass / mayonnaise / homemade Kahlua I’m consuming, I don’t need to be eating multiple burgers at a time too.


That being said, I haven’t had a Whopper in years and this was actually quite tasty. I should also admit that I wasn’t fully committed to authenticity here and so I did not light my kitchen on fire. Although if I did, I’d like to think things would go a little something like this…

Skinner: Ah, well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I’m pooped.
Chalmers: Yes, I should be…good lord! What is happening in there?!
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Er, no.
Agnes: Seymour, the house is on fire!
Skinner: No, Mother, it’s just the Northern Lights.
Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow but I must say, you steam a good ham.
Agnes: Help! Help!
– 22 Short Films About Springfield (The Simpsons Season 7 – Episode 21)


Cromulence: 8 Isometric Exercises out of 10

Skinner’s Steamed Hams Recipe From: 22 Short Films About Springfield (The Simpsons Season 7 – Episode 21)

      1. Steam-cooked hamburgers (as opposed to the canonical steamed hams which are obviously grilled) are actually a thing! Albeit only in one really specific place in Connecticut. Apparently they use special trays to make them. It sounds super gross but people seem to like them.

        1. I went and looked them up thanks to your comment! Sounds like the real draw is the cheese and plain steamed hamburgers don’t have much going for them.

          On another note a review article about them had 31 comments and nobody mentioned steamed hams at all. So disappointing.

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