Only 35 Calorie Rice Cake

Homer: Oh, Why did I have to start my diet on pork chop night?
Marge: Now Homer, we’ve got steamed vegetables and rice cakes for you.
Homer: Wait a minute. Well hey, I’ve been setting my drinks on these things!
Marge: They’re only 35 calories apiece.
Homer: Hello? Hello! Hello, taste? Where are you?
Marge: You can put a little something on top for flavor.
Homer: Mmm. Only 35 calories.
– Brush With Greatness (The Simpsons Season 2 – Episode 18)

Only-35-Calorie-Rice-Cake-Screenshot

It’s the start of a new year and what does that mean? It’s time to go on a diet fatty, fatty, fat, fat! And there’s no better way to diet then by eating nothing but rice cakes. According to the above screenshot, the breakdown of Homer’s “Only 35 Calorie” Rice Cake from top to bottom is: Melted Cheese on Rice Cake / Deli Meat / Lettuce / Deli Meat / Olives / Rice Cake. Since it’s pretty hard to decipher what kind of meat and cheese Homer uses I had to improvise, just like the time I forgot to pack my bathing suit and had a spare doormat available.

Ingredients:

  • 2 Rice Cakes
  • Orange Cheese (I used Cheddar Cheese)
  • 2 Kinds of Deli Meat (I used Black Forest Ham and Turkey Breast)
  • Olives (I used stuffed Manzanilla Olives)
  • Lettuce (I used spinach)

Only-35-Calories-Rice-Cake-Ingredients

Directions:

Place olives on top of a rice cake. Add ham, lettuce and turkey breast. Stack cheese on top of another tice cake and microwave for 15 seconds (time with vary by microwave). Attempt to eat without making a tremendous mess.

Only-35-Calories-Rice-Cake

First, the bad news. The rice cakes that I bought weren’t 35 calories each, they were 40 calories each! My diet is now officially off and I’m back to eating whipped cream straight from the canister. Also, full disclosure, I really dislike olives so eating this was not pleasant both from a taste and logistics standpoint. You cannot eat this cleanly. Once I removed the olives, the rest of this was quite tasty as long as it was eaten in layers. I have to say, it feels nice to eat healthy for once.

Cromulence: 6 Ringo Starrs out of 10

Only 35 Calorie Rice Cake Recipe from: Brush With Greatness (The Simpsons Season 2 – Episode 18)

3 Comments
  1. Ah, the ’90s, back when people equated ¨fat free¨ to ¨healthy¨. I was curious as to how many calories were really in this thing, so I checked using MyFitnessPal.com. I thought that it would be more likely that the Simpsons would buy ¨generic deli ham¨ rather than you fancy black forest type, so I substituted. Also, I substituted iceberg lettuce, because we know that Marge probably wouldn’t buy spinach unless it was in a can or frozen.

    2 Quaker rice cakes: 70 calories

    4.00 Slices of deli Turkey Breast: 60 calories

    4.00 slices of deli ham: 60 calories

    10 manzanilla Olives: 83 calories

    1.00 oz Cheddar Cheese: 110 calories

    1.00 iceberg lettuce: 6 calories

    Coming to a grand total of: 390 calories!

    For dinner, that’s not the worst thing, for sure. Given the amount he usually eats, he’d still lose weight if he ate it. That’s also assuming he used turkey breast/ham and not salami and corned beef (very likely, in my opinion), and only 1 oz of cheese.
    But because the package says 35 calories, then it’s only 35, right!?

    1. This is great and you’re totally right, my original rice cake was far too healthy. I will endeavor to make this again and make it as unhealthy as possible WITH a calorie count included!

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