Homer: Oh, Why did I have to start my diet on pork chop night?
Marge: Now Homer, we’ve got steamed vegetables and rice cakes for you.
Homer: Wait a minute. Well hey, I’ve been setting my drinks on these things!
Marge: They’re only 35 calories apiece.
Homer: Hello? Hello! Hello, taste? Where are you?
Marge: You can put a little something on top for flavor.
[Homer takes rice cake out of the microwave piled high with food]
Homer: Mmm. Only 35 calories.
– Brush With Greatness (The Simpsons Season 2 – Episode 18)
It’s the start of a new year and what does that mean? It’s time to go on a diet fatty, fatty, fat, fat! And there’s no better way to diet then by eating nothing but rice cakes. According to the above screenshot, the breakdown of Homer’s “Only 35 Calorie” Rice Cake from top to bottom is: Melted Cheese on Rice Cake / Deli Meat / Lettuce / Deli Meat / Olives / Rice Cake. Since it’s pretty hard to decipher what kind of meat and cheese Homer uses I had to improvise, just like the time I forgot to pack my bathing suit and had a spare doormat available.
- 2 Rice Cakes
- Orange Cheese (I used Cheddar Cheese)
- 2 Kinds of Deli Meat (I used Black Forest Ham and Turkey Breast)
- Olives (I used stuffed Manzanilla Olives)
- Lettuce (I used spinach)
Place olives on top of a rice cake. Add ham, lettuce and turkey breast. Stack cheese on top of another tice cake and microwave for 15 seconds (time with vary by microwave). Attempt to eat without making a tremendous mess.
First, the bad news. The rice cakes that I bought weren’t 35 calories each, they were 40 calories each! My diet is now officially off and I’m back to eating whipped cream straight from the canister. Also, full disclosure, I really dislike olives so eating this was not pleasant both from a taste and logistics standpoint. You cannot eat this cleanly. Once I removed the olives, the rest of this was quite tasty as long as it was eaten in layers. I have to say, it feels nice to eat healthy for once.
Cromulence: 6 Ringo Starrs out of 10
Only 35 Calorie Rice Cake Recipe from: Brush With Greatness (The Simpsons Season 2 – Episode 18)