Nice, Healthy Oatmeal

Marge: Homer, I’ve made a special surprise just for you!
Homer: It can only be one thing.
Marge: Here you go.
Homer: What the hell is this?
Marge: Nice, healthy oatmeal.
Homer: Ooh, oatmeal, what a delightful treat! Aw, there’s a bug in it.
Marge: No there isn’t.
Homer: Trust me.
Bart: Dad, there’s a bug on that.
Homer: Naah.
– Homer’s Triple Bypass (The Simpsons Season 4 – Episode 11)

Nice Healthy Oatmeal Screenshot

Everything on The Simpsons is cyclical, even the food. Homer claims he doesn’t want to eat oatmeal because there is a bug on it, even though it would add some nice protein to an already nutritious meal. Yet in the Season 24 Simpsons episode “Pulpit Friction” there is quick throwaway gag about Bart adding “raisins” to Homer’s oatmeal, which are actually bed bugs:

Homer's Oatmeal Meet Your Raisins

Gross. Unfortunately, bed bugs don’t qualify as a bug you should eat so I appear to have gone off on another one of my fascinating tangents. Where was I? Oh yes, oatmeal! Homer actually shows an interest in eating oatmeal a SECOND time, in the episode “Milhouse of Sand and Fog”, where he eats Homer O’s straight from the tub. So basically everything related to oatmeal on The Simpsons is disgusting.

Homer Oats

Making oatmeal is a personal thing for me and I’m sure for many people that eat it as often as I do. While I’m not a food snob, I don’t like instant oatmeal, not when making your own oatmeal is cheaper, healthier, and takes barely more time than making it in the microwave!

Ingredients:

  • Rolled Oats
  • Salt
  • Water
  • Milk
  • Honey / Sugar / Other sweeteners (depending on preference)
  • Other toppings (again, depending on preference)

Directions:

Did you know that you can cook oatmeal in a rice cooker? You can and I think it is the best method; the oatmeal is always cooked perfectly. However, if you don’t currently have, or want, a rice cooker in your kitchen, cooking on the stove is the way to go. If you do use a rice cooker, just follow the directions of the model and enjoy.

For stove top oatmeal, I always cook oatmeal on a 1:2 ratio of oatmeal to liquid (water, milk, milk alternatives). If you’re making enough oatmeal for a week of breakfasts, use 4 cups of liquid to 2 cups of oats. Add liquid to a large saucepan, with a few pinches of salt and bring to a boil. Once liquid is boiled, add oats and reduce heat until simmering. Continuing cooking, stirring regularly until your oatmeal has reached its desired texture.

Nice Healthy Oatmeal

Marge: Here you go. A lumberjack’s meal for my golfer.
Lisa: Mom, Bart is on a diet of complex carbohydrates. Steak will make him logy.
Marge: Oh, well what won’t make him logy?
Lisa: Oatmeal.
Homer: Oatmeal?
Lisa: Oats are what a champion thoroughbred eats before he or she wins the Kentucky Derby.
Homer: News flash, Lisa. Bart is not a horse. Eat your steak, boy.
– Dead Putting Society (The Simpsons Season 2 – Episode 6)

Eat Your Streak Boy Screenshot

Even though I love steak, I really can’t say eating steak appeals as a breakfast option, possibly due to how logy it makes me feel. So in the battle of oatmeal versus steak, for breakfast ONLY, oatmeal wins. Oatmeal is a healthy breakfast with endless possibilities for toppings ranging from fruit to nut butter to eggs. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. When it comes to my favorite, least healthy breakfast option I’m going to have to go with the something that involves bacon, even if it is yellow for reasons that only some very confused animators can explain.

Bug On It Screenshoot

Cromulence: 8 Mr. McGregs out of 10

Nice, Healthy Oatmeal Recipe From: Homer’s Triple Bypass (The Simpsons Season 4 – Episode 11)

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