Monkey’s Paw Turkey Sandwich

Homer: I’ll make a wish that can’t backfire.  I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, AND I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises.  You got it?
[Turkey sandwich appears]
Homer: Hey! Not bad.  Nice, hot mustard. Good bread. The turkey’s a little dry. The turkey’s a little dry! Oh, foul accursed thing! What demon from the depths of hell created thee!
– Treehouse of Horror II (The Simpsons Season 3 – Episode 7)

Monkey’s Paw Turkey Sandwich Screenshot 2

Besides not asking for dry turkey, there is another ingredient added to the Monkey’s Paw Turkey Sandwich and that is tomato. I know that Homer didn’t specifically ask for it, but the addition of the tomato would be a nice balance to dry turkey…

Monkey’s Paw Turkey Sandwich Screenshot 1

I like to think that the Monkey’s Paw knew what it was doing when it made the turkey a little dry, because perhaps zombie turkey would have been a better choice? I’m not sure if zombie turkey meat is inherently more or less dry than regular non-zombie turkey meat though. But if anyone knows the answers to these sorts of things it’s a somewhat sentient monkey paw that messes with people’s wishes.

Ingredients:

  • Dry Turkey Meat
  • Rye Bread
  • Lettuce
  • Mustard
  • Tomato

Monkey’s Paw Turkey Sandwich Ingredients

Directions:

Place bread on plate and assemble in the following order: bread, turkey, tomato, lettuce, mustard, bread.

Monkey’s Paw Turkey Sandwich

My biggest issue with this sandwich was the rye bread. I have never really liked it because I find it a bit dense and bitter. In order to achieve dry turkey, I left the turkey cold cuts it to sit out for a few hours, which is questionable from a food safety standard but I suffer for my art. I didn’t get sick but I think that is more a result of all the preservatives in the turkey than anything else. Overall, Homer was right to curse the Monkey Paw and the sandwich it created. Next time, it’s zombie turkey all the way.

Cromulence: 5 Bonerlands out of 10

Monkey’s Paw Turkey Sandwich Recipe From: Treehouse of Horror II (The Simpsons Season 3 – Episode 7)

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