Marge’s Delicious Boiled Celery

Lisa: I’m allergic to everything here. My nose is so stuffed up, I can’t even taste Mom’s delicious boiled celery.
– You Only Move Twice (The Simpsons Season 8 – Episode 2)


Celery is a rigid vegetable, but the boiled celery in the above screenshot looks vaguely similar to cabbage or quite possibly boiled paper based on the color and consistency. Since the quote and image were all I had to work with, I wasn’t really sure how to proceed with Marge’s Delicious Boiled Celery recipe. And so, much like a lazy and surly teamster, I decided to just boil the hell out of celery to see what would happen.


  • 1 Stalk of Celery (per person)
  • Salt to taste



Bring salted water to a boil. Add celery and boil until it appears grey – approximately half an hour. Serve to someone with severe seasonal allergies.


While this is technically edible, I wouldn’t recommend eating it. It has the taste and consistency of a piece of celery you would find in a soup. Which makes complete sense given that boiling celery in soup is the same as boiling it in salted water. You’re much better off eating celery raw than serving it boiled.

Cromulence: 1 Northern Reticulated Chipmunk out of 10

Recipe from: You Only Move Twice (The Simpsons Season 8 – Episode 2)

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