I Want It! Tonic Edition

Sometimes there are food and drink products that exist in The Simpsons universe that I simply cannot buy or reproduce. Thus, I present to you: I Want It! An Eats Like A Duck feature where I yearn to breathe free…I mean yearn for products that don’t or can’t currently exist.

Mr. Burns: Secondly, instead of beer, you will all drink this. It’s a brain and nerve tonic rich in proteins and electromagnetic juices. It promotes robust health. It has been known to cause gigantism but only in rare cases. Try some.
Ken Griffy Jr.: It’s like there’s a party in my mouth and everyone’s invited.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
– Homer at the Bat (The Simpsons Season 3 – Episode 17)

Brain & Nerve Tonic Screenshot

 

Grampa Simpson: Lemme sell it, you idjit. Step right up, folks, and witness the magnificent medicinal miracle of Simpson & Son’s patented revitalizing toniiic. Put some ardor in your larder with our energizing, moisturizing, tantalizing, romanticizing, surprising, her-prizing, revitalizing tonic.
– Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy (The Simpsons Season 6 – Episode 10)

Simpson & Son's Revitalizing Tonic Screenshot

While I have no complaints about my health and sex life – it seems like Brain & Nerve Tonic and Simpson & Son’s Revitalizing Tonic could only make things better. I mean, sure I might end up with gigantism but I NEED more electromagnetic juices in my diet! And yes, the rejuvenating effect people feel from the Revitalizing Tonic is actually a mild form of poisoning caused by an unsanitary bathtub…but I can’t remember the last time I threw my pants out the window in a fit of passion dammit.

I want it!
I want it!
I want it!

I Want It!: Brain and Nerve Tonic / Simpson and Son Revitalizing Tonic From: Homer at the Bat (The Simpsons Season 3 – Episode 17) / Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy (The Simpsons Season 6 – Episode 10)

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