I Want It! Tomato Edition

Sometimes there are food and drink products that exist in The Simpsons universe that I simply cannot buy or reproduce. Thus, I present to you: I Want It! An Eats Like A Duck feature where I yearn to breathe free…I mean yearn for products that don’t or can’t currently exist.

Lisa: I’ve grown a futuristic tomato by fertilizing it with anabolic steroids.
Bart: The kind that help our Olympic athletes reach new peaks of excellence?
Lisa: The very same.
– Duffless (The Simpsons Season 4 – Episode 16)

Lisa's Futuristic Tomato Screenshot

I sadly lack the steroid technology know-how to re-create the Futuristic Tomato. Besides the obvious benefits of feeding the masses, the Futuristic Tomato is also great for hitting people in the posterior and making a huge mess. It’s win-win!

Lisa: ToMacco? That’s pretty clever, Dad. I mean, for a product that’s evil and deadly.
Homer: Aw, thanks, honey.
Marge: I’m not crazy about the plutonium or nicotine. But it is very nice to see Bart eating his vegetables.
– E-I-E-I-(ANNOYED GRUNT) (The Simpsons Season 11 – Episode 5)

ToMacco Screenshot

Even though Tomacco tastes like Grandma, I kind of still want to try it. I mean, yes, it is horribly addictive but it’s also smooth and mild. The glorious free market of the world allows for all kinds of products that can slowly kill someone, so I see no reason why Tomacco shouldn’t be on shelves right next to 5 Hour Energy Drink and Easy Cheese.

I want it.
I want it.
I want it.

I Want It!: Tomato Edition From: Duffless (The Simpsons Season 4 – Episode 16) and E-I-E-I-(ANNOYED GRUNT) (The Simpsons Season 11 – Episode 5)


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