Marge: It’s healthy snack time!
Midday Mommy: Is it?
Marge: We’ve got sulfite-free grape juice and homemade, organic, non-gluten, fair-trade zucchini cupcakes! They don’t rise by themselves, so I was up all night blowing air bubbles into them with a straw.
Selma: Mmm, Delicious! What percent milk fat unsalted butter did you use to grease the cupcake tray?
Marge: None percent. I used a nonstick pan.
Midday Mommy: Don’t you know that nonstick pans are made with P.F.O.A.s?
Marge: Oh, boy, here it comes.
Manjula: There is only one thing more dangerous than P.F.O.A.s, Marge. Plastics made with B.P.A.s. Never, ever let your child near any product with the number seven!
Midday Mommy: Good Lord, they’ve been sucking seven!
– Pranks and Greens (The Simpsons Season 21 – Episode 6)
It seems like so many people are discovering they are gluten intolerant because they experience stomach problems, skin issues, trouble sleeping, mild foot pain, or their hair was kind looking weird that one time. Personally, I don’t care if someone chooses not to eat gluten, just like I don’t care if they choose not to drink alcohol – that just means there’s more for me! What I do care about are the people who feel the need to tell me how much better my life would be if I didn’t eat or drink certain things. Or in the case of the Midday Mommies group, what you should feed children.
First of all, I don’t currently have any children…that I know of. So, I’m not the best person to comment on what kids should eat (vegetables?) and what they shouldn’t eat (batteries, probably?). The Midday Mommies parody a certain type of parent; these people do exist and they are totally making Homemade Organic, Non-Gluten, Fair Trade Zucchini Cupcakes, so let’s find out how bad they truly are!
- 3/4 Cups All Purpose Gluten Free Flour Mix
- 1/2 Teaspoon Baking Powder
- 1/4 Teaspoon Baking Soda
- 1 Free Range Egg
- 1/4 Cup Cane Sugar
- 1/4 Cup Salted Butter
- 1/2 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
- 1/2 Cup Zucchini
Preheat oven to 350F. Combine dry ingredients and set aside. Grate zucchini and squeeze out excess moisture using a towel. Use a stand mixer to beat egg for several minutes, then add cane sugar. Next add butter and vanilla extract and beat together. Finally add zucchini and mix briefly. Slowly add dry ingredients until everything is well combined. Pour into a nonstick pan and bake for 25 minutes. Serve with sulfite-free grape juice.
A few changes I made to this recipe:
- I tried to find “fair-trade zucchini” but it doesn’t exist. I did make sure the zucchini was organic though.
- I used free range eggs, since that seemed implied as required.
- Selma asks about “what percent milk fat unsalted butter” was used. I used salted butter (I do for all my baking) and then I just don’t add additional salt. I’ve always done this, never had a problem. Deal with it Selma.
- Marge states that the cupcakes “don’t rise by themselves, so I was up all night blowing air bubbles into them with a straw.” These cupcakes had no trouble rising, so I thankfully didn’t need a straw.
- I cannot confirm or deny if my nonstick pan contains P.F.O.A.s
So these zucchini cupcakes didn’t taste that bad, despite the opinion of Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger:
Alec: Yeah, we’ve been living off of congratulatory muffin baskets. Bleech! Zucchini!
Kim: Don’t just put that back in the basket.
Alec: I’m gonna eat it later!
Homer: You shouldn’t have to survive on dry, crumbly muffins from the Gersh Agency. You should let me do your shopping! I know where I can get you some great muffins.
Kim: No more muffins!
– When You Dish Upon a Star (The Simpsons Season 10 – Episode 5)
The cupcakes being gluten free didn’t bother me; I guarantee most people who ate this would just complain the cupcake tastes healthy and not notice that it lacks gluten. They were surprisingly not that dry either – so overall, a moderate success! I did not try to feed the cupcakes to children to see if they will eat them. Partly because I don’t think parents take kindly to random strangers handing out cupcakes to children at the park, but mostly because I’ve been eating them once in a while as a snack. I mean, children are the future… today belongs to me!
Cromulence: 5 Poop in the tubs out of 10
Homemade Organic, Non-Gluten Fair Trade Zucchini Cupcakes Recipe From: Pranks and Greens (The Simpsons Season 21 – Episode 6)