Homer: Do you have a doughnut or not?
Flanders: Coming up. Just sign here. Careful, hot pen. Now, remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for…
Homer: Hey, wait, if I don’t finish this last bite, you don’t get my soul, do you?
Flanders: Uh, technically no, but…
Homer: I’m smarter than the devil! I’m smarter than the devil.
Flanders: You are not smarter than me! I’ll see you in hell yet, Homer Simpson!
Homer: Not likely.
– Treehouse of Horror IV (The Simpsons Season 5 – Episode 5)
We’ve all been there, you get that mid morning sugar craving but all the doughnuts are gone. Then you end selling your soul to the devil, you know, typical Tuesday. If you follow the blog at all, you might recall that Satan and I had a recent conversation regarding cursed frozen yogurt, or as I call it: frogurt. Anyway, who says The Prince of Darkness and I can’t hang out twice in one week?
Let’s discuss Homer’s plan for a moment. By not finishing the doughnut The Devil has not fully delivered on his promise. But what happens when the doughnut finally decays and is turns into dust? Is the doughnut now finished even if Homer didn’t technically eat it? At what point, on a microscopic level, is the doughnut considered to be “eaten” and therefore the contract has been fulfilled?
Unfortunately, the hipster doughnut place I ended up buying my soul doughnuts from didn’t have any options with sprinkles, but this one looked kind of close:
The fridge is both a good and bad place to keep a doughnut that is keeping your soul from entering hell. Good because it’s going to slow food decay (even if we didn’t decide when that officially concludes) but at the same time leaves you open for late night snacking. Homer finishes the doughnut and enters the Ironic Punishment portion of hell and therefore gets to eat “all the doughnuts in the world”. I briefly considered trying to see how many doughnuts I could eat in one sitting, but that seemed like it would be unpleasant for all concerned. I just had the one (ok, two) and it was actually “scrum-didilly-umptious”, minus the last bite of course:
So, I guess all is well for me and my soul going forward and there’s no reason for me to be concerned about anything at all. Except for that fog that turns people inside out.
Cromulence: 9 James Cocos out of 10
Forbidden Doughnut Recipe From: Treehouse of Horror IV (The Simpsons Season 5 – Episode 5)