Clove Tom Collins Pie

Lisa: There’s nothing to eat for breakfast.
Homer: You gotta improvise, Lisa. Cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust.
Lisa: Maybe mom just doesn’t realize we miss her. We could go down to the casino and let her know…
Homer: Oh, come on, Lisa, there’s no reason to [takes a bite] let’s go see Mom.
– $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) (The Simpsons Season 5 – Episode 10)

Clove Tom Collins Pie Screenshot

I have been avoiding the Clove Tom Collins Pie recipe for a while, for obvious reasons. Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve tried Bubble Crum, Salad with Mustard and Ketchup and Boiled Celery and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together.

In this recipe Homer uses Tom Collins Mix, which doesn’t really exist. A Tom Collins cocktail is gin, sour mix, soda, and simple syrup, so I used limonade for this and declared it close enough. Also not available are pie crust TOPS – which is what it looks like Homers uses. Obviously pie crust bottoms can be found in any frozen food aisle, but in the interest of not wasting an entire pie crust I used a tart shell instead.


  • Cloves
  • Tom Collins Mix (Limonade)
  • Frozen Pie Crust (tart shell)

Clove Tom Collins Pie Ingredients


Add cloves and Tom Collins mix to frozen pie crust. Take a single bite and immediately regret all the decisions in your life leading up to this moment.

Clove Tom Collins Pie

Going in I knew this was going to be bad, I mean cloves are basically inedible but the frozen pie crust mixed with any kind of liquid becomes a mushy mess within about 10 seconds. This was bad. Really, really, really, bad.

Cromulence: 0 Gamblors out of 10

Clove Tom Collins Pie Recipe From: $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) (The Simpsons Season 5 – Episode 10)

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  1. Ever since I watched this episode I wanted to know what that would have tasted like. Awful is the word it seems. Nonetheless this blog is making me cry with laughter, the dry humour way in which it’s written just tickles me. 1000% better than Buzzfeed.

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