Lisa: There’s nothing to eat for breakfast.
Homer: You gotta improvise, Lisa. Cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust.
Lisa: Maybe mom just doesn’t realize we miss her. We could go down to the casino and let her know…
Homer: Oh, come on, Lisa, there’s no reason to [takes a bite] let’s go see Mom.
– $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) (The Simpsons Season 5 – Episode 10)
I have been avoiding the Clove Tom Collins Pie recipe for a while, for obvious reasons. Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve tried Bubble Crum, Salad with Mustard and Ketchup and Boiled Celery and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together.
In this recipe Homer uses Tom Collins Mix, which doesn’t really exist. A Tom Collins cocktail is gin, sour mix, soda, and simple syrup, so I used limonade for this and declared it close enough. Also not available are pie crust TOPS – which is what it looks like Homers uses. Obviously pie crust bottoms can be found in any frozen food aisle, but in the interest of not wasting an entire pie crust I used a tart shell instead.
- Tom Collins Mix (Limonade)
- Frozen Pie Crust (tart shell)
Add cloves and Tom Collins mix to frozen pie crust. Take a single bite and immediately regret all the decisions in your life leading up to this moment.
Going in I knew this was going to be bad, I mean cloves are basically inedible but the frozen pie crust mixed with any kind of liquid becomes a mushy mess within about 10 seconds. This was bad. Really, really, really, bad.
Cromulence: 0 Gamblors out of 10
Clove Tom Collins Pie Recipe From: $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) (The Simpsons Season 5 – Episode 10)
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