A Fresh Batch of America Balls

Marge: Bart? Why are you doing that?
Bart: Our class is making refreshments for Skinner’s party. These are in honor of his army days.
Marge: That explains the flags, but what about the dog food?
Bart: My theory is: Skinner likes dog food!
Marge: Mmmm…Let’s bake him a cake!
Homer: Ooh! A fresh batch of America balls! [eats dog food balls]
– The Principal and The Pauper (The Simpsons Season 9 – Episode 2)

America Balls Screenshot

Happy (almost) Independence Day! In honor of this special occasion I had to make the most patriotic food I could think of: America Balls. So this is a special recipe for Eats Like A Duck since it’s not an I’m Not Making That recipe so much as an I’m Not Eating That recipe. Because, no, I’m not eating dog food.

Do you know what dog food is made of? It’s mostly just snouts and entrails…and little pieces of bone based on my experience of molding the dog food into balls. I guess it could be worse, I could have been working with Carrot Cat Food (88% Ash, 12% Carrots).


  • Dog Food
  • Miniature American Flags (for some)

America Balls Ingredients


Roll dog food into balls, place miniature American Flags into each ball. Serve fresh.

America Balls

As you can see in the above picture, I bought the cheapest dog food I could find for the America Balls recipe; because what is more American than buying dog food for one dollar? I suppose you get what you pay for though, because this smelled just awful and, as mentioned above, there were lots of bones in the mixture too. Those two factors alone convinced me not to eat this Fresh Batch of America Balls and quite frankly I’m ok with that.

Cromulence: Unknown. I’m making that, but I’m not eating that

A Fresh Batch of America Balls Recipe From: The Principal and The Pauper (The Simpsons Season 9 – Episode 2)

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